Simple Requests

Wow! I apologize for such a long delay in my blogging adventures! I've been busy with my tearful good byes from AVC and tearful hellos at my new position at Golden Living Centers! I have to take a minute and gloat about my career and how fortunate I am to be able to meet so many wonderful, inspiring, and life changing individuals. I honestly would never change what I do, no matter how emotionally and physically challenging as it may be, for anything in the entire world! Not including my internship days, I've been privileged to have met so many mothers, daughters, fathers, sons, uncles, aunts, caregivers, friends, and other loved ones that've made me realize we are always loved and cared for no matter what!

I began my new position in rehab over a week ago working with adults. Of course in my same old dork-like fashion, I arrived with all my binders marked, pencils sharpened, and smile in tact waiting on my first patients to encounter. Well, the first two days were filled with computer training (the stuff I did not want to do for a 9-5 job) with the occasional "slipping away" to observe fellow SLP's doing therapy. As soon as I walked into Golden Living I knew that I was placed there for a reason and that God was showing me yet another path to follow. I eagerly requested a patient, as the computer was not my kind of satisfaction, and was given an 80 + male with a diagnosis of Alzheimer's. No problem, I'll do my best as he'll do his. Needless to say, over the past week, he has told me that we were being watched by the mob, his wife's name was "fantastic", that I was grown physically-not mentally, and today he thought that I needed to be home with a baby and waiting for my husband. Did I mention that I love my job? :) Anyway, over the past week I've met those aged 50-98 (!!) assisting in relearning memory, word finding, safe eating/swallowing techniques, teaching them their wife/husband/son/daughter's names and have had many true smiles as well as well earned belly laughs. Once again, how blessed am I to meet so many people with such amazing life stories that I am helping to glue back together?!

I always am so touched by everyone I've treated, however, there is one lady that has truly pulled at my heartstrings over the past week. She is a woman who met me with a guard up as tall as the Great Wall of China with no chisel for me to start working with. This woman in particular was one that was not interested in interacting or accepting help from others. After our first meeting, I felt a void and a sense of emptiness that I wasn't able to explain. It bogged me down the entire ride home from work constantly picking at my brain as I did not know what I could've done differently. It was not until I finally put myself inside her shoes, or as much as I could - as a family member of one being treated - that I grasped that sense of vulnerability and insecurity. It is hard to explain but I do remember that as my dad was being treated there were specific providers that treated him as a person...not a medical record. As my own experience, I know how it feels to be pushed and shoveled as if I were in a pig pen rather than Jenna being treated for Myofibroblastic Sarcoma. Thus arises my "AH HA" moment.

The following day, I tried to break the barriers with this specific patient asking about her personal interests which she took as me being too personally invasive. Shot down yet again. Bummed yet eager to build this patient's trust, I marched back into her room, big smile in tow, and threw out all of the "therapy material" crap. "What's your favorite food, Ms. T?' She immediately replied with fried chicken. Playing dumb, I asked her how she made fried chicken, step by step. With a confused look, Ms. T excitedly shouted, "You don't know how to make fried chicken?" I immediately replied that I did not and had never attempted to do so. This patient laughed and proceeded to ask me how old I was and if I was married (side note-I am asked this on a daily basis and apparently I am over the hill and my eggs are fried at 26). I was honest with her and she quickly replied by stating that she was married by 22 and was able to make friend chicken. Ok, I get it, yet I was still trying anything to make therapy meaningful at this point (regardless at the personal stabs). She began to talk all about fried chicken and 45 minutes later we were still talking about fried chicken. By the time I had left, both Ms. T and I were laughing and smiling. Mission accomplished!

Over the next couple of days the joking and laughing with Ms. T had become minimal. It was not until yesterday that I, once again, threw out the predetermined therapy material and spoke with her on a personal level. It was at that time that Ms. T began to well up with tears and slowly bring her hands out from her pockets. I looked down, in silence, and saw swollen and stationary fingers filled with arthritis. Her fun loving, joyful demeanor was stripped from her by the excruciating pain within her most useful extremities. She had told me that she felt hopeless and did not understand why. Ms. T explained that she had been fighting rheumatoid arthritis for awhile and had been extremely isolated while in rehab. As I always do, I probed for more....did she want company, a specific tv show, music? That was until she interrupted me with a simple prayer. As she recited it from memory her beautiful hazel eyes welled up with tears as mine did the same. Ms. T began to explain that she had missed having her bible around and that her hands had given her trouble turning the pages. I then asked her about the verse that she had just recited had meant to her. She looked at me with the greatest sympathy and told me, "a specific verse is meant and interpreted by each individual". For a couple of minutes I reflected on what she had said and agreed with her observation. I then shared a verse that has meant a lot to me (Psalm 119:105) in which she told me to hold that meaning within my heart.

I rode home that day and reflected on what I had witnessed and been a part of during that therapy session. It made me realize that the most effective and motivating tool for Ms. T was the bible. As soon as I got home for the night, I packed my personal bible in my purse (since Ms. T didn't have her own at the rehab center) and reflected on what we had discussed earlier that day.

Today, I excitedly popped in to see if she was ready for therapy. I had missed her 5 times that day to finally catch her at around 3pm. I woke her from her sleep, with my excited yet eager smile, telling her that I have something fun to work on. I pulled out my bible and saw her eyes began to immediately glow with happiness and solitude. I told her that for therapy we would work on finding specific verses that would help her through the day. Those that I had pre picked focused on courage and love. At one point Ms. T began to become tearful with self doubt and told me that "these hurting hands are unable to turn the pages" and that she was in too much pain to do anymore. Seeing the passion and excitement I saw within the past 20 minutes, I looked at her firmly and displayed my left palm that is red and peeling from radiation. She immediately asked what had happened in which I replied, "I have cancer. The peeling and redness is from 6 weeks of radiation and I will probably be limited in movement after my surgery next week." Ms. T, wide-eyed, asked me if I was in pain and how I was able to be so happy and with a big smile. I immediately told her that "I refuse to let small setbacks control my life. Like we had just discussed with the passages that were read, God gave me cancer to show my strength and to make me a better person overall." Ms. T immediately squeezed my hand (the one with cancer) and told me that God had placed me in her life for a wonderful reason.

I am not going to tell you that I did not shed a couple tears when I got home because I proudly shed my fare share tonight. I am proud to have an innate ability to connect with those I work with although it might've caused grief within my life. Today was officially one of the most blessed days of my career in the sense that I was able to reach someone within a  personal level rather a strictly professional level. What a wonderful experience I given to help me ultimately pay it forward. It's the little requests in life that can mean the world to others :)